Shades of Privacy

I feel like shit. Damn. Read on to know why.

I live in a three bedroom apartment in India. The summers here are so mean to every living being. Ruthlessly hot. It is practically impossible to exist without Air Conditioner. We’ve got AC in two bedrooms – one is mine, other one is my parent’s bedroom. But there was a problem with the AC in their room and dad was lazy to rectify it. He never needs AC. Yes, he is weird ! So my mum comes to my room and sleeps.

Not only sleeps, she ll be in my room all day. When she is googling on her phone, talking to her siblings on call or reading a magazine. I’d be reading a book or watching TV shows online in my laptop. I wouldnt do anything highly secretive in my room alone, but I feel that my privacy has been stripped away. I feel like am always on her radar. Even when I’m on call, she’d be there. She is not trying to over-hear and I’m not talking to my boyfriend or something, but I don’t like the feeling of being watched.

I told her that today and she felt so damn bad. And that makes me ever more upset cause I meant it. I’m a terrible person. I love my mother so much, she means the world to me. I wouldn’t last one day without her, I know she has done countless sacrifices for me till now. But, I still feel terrible about not having privacy in my own room. I’m a real bad person.

I feel like shit.

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Vacation sorts.

Hello guys! How have you been? I’m just reading books and existing at work alternatively. High time I go on a a vacation or something.

When and where was your last vacation? It might help me plan up something . (If dates work)

Hope someone from some corner of the world reads this. Love you netizen!

-Zara

Start over.

I guess that’s exactly what I need. To move to some place new where nobody knows me or atleast knew what kind of loner I was. Cause we get judged and evaluated based on our past. I don’t want that to affect my future or the person I’m trying to become; Someone more social, confident and happy.

A cross country move would not be possible considering I can’t make my dad switch jobs. But for one, I can get married. In the place I live, getting married between 22-25 is appropriate. So that could be a chance to start over on a really big scale. Esp if I get to move to a different city or country.

Well, that’s a HUGE step and I don’t want to jump face first into it just cuz I need a CHANGE. So, we are planning to shift my house (Not for me ofcourse. It jus happened ) .To somewhere far away from where I live. Same city, same office. But still it’s something.

We ll be shifting in June if all goes well. I’m looking forward to it. Hope it helps.

– Zara

It doesn’t go away

I don’t want to feel like this – trapped. I feel like I’m restricted and contained. Well, 30% credits could go to my mom who restricts me so much.

I want to hang out often, get invited. I want that so bad. But with all these restrictions PLUS my social awkwardness, it doesn’t work! My friend called me for trekking. But mom would say no. She ll say she’s looking out for me. What if I drown in the lake (my friend’s friend drowned and died in a trekking trip 😐 ) or get bit by a snake ? She’d say. I don’t have answers to that. Her over-protectiveness is suffocating me.

I just wanna make memories. I have none. Really none. I don’t have even pictures to look back and smile upon. I’m living a sad life and I’m starting to feel it’s so sad that it’s not even worth living.

– Zara.

Sleepovers

I’ve never been to one. What do they do generally? I’m a big time Gossip Girls fan but I’m positive that it’s not like Blair’s Annual Sleepover. (If I ever go to B’s sleepover, I’d be the awkward Jenny Humphrey there)

637a07319562d30b727d35ff9cc528e7 Blair-and-Serena-girls-of-gossip-girl-23435198-500-335 sleepover

My mum’s always paranoid about letting me out of sight after 7 (duh), but yeah. I wish I go to one.  Any ideas? Face masks,  nail paining, pizza, chick-flicks on laptop ?

This post is as girly as it can get. Lol.

-Zara (yes, I’m finally having a name!)

Why, God ? Why ?

I hate driving to work in the afternoon. I have my reasons.

    1. Driving in the heat-waves of my city is not fun. Add dust storm and angry people to it. Not pretty.
    2. My Office Lower Basement parking will be over-flowing and I’ll have to think what to do with my car.

But I was in good spirits today. I kept the AC on almost full-blast (3/4) and directed it straight at my face, my hair was flying like a heroine’s 😀 And I kept “The Nights” by Avicii on repeat and drove. Singing, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, plain happy.

What are the odds that I get a parking spot at an awesome slot which I wouldn’t get even if I’m bit late to work? I did. That car was taken out by it’s owner for lunch. *insert happy dance*

What are the odds I go straight to the café for lunch? My friends would be long gone, and I was starving. So I did.

What are the odds that I pick a seat, just across from my manager. And he says “Hello 🙂 ”. *insert severe freaking out*

I told myself to calm down. That he doesn’t know I took off yesterday, that he doesn’t know I’m entering office only at 2.30 and coming straight to lunch. But I was feeling so panicky. And once I was done with my lunch of 10 tiny potato nuggets I nodded a bye and rushed out of the place.

And slipped.

He saw. The entire people around me saw. And what will any sane person do? Walk away. What did your’ s truly do ? Stand there and angrily inspect the floor as to WHAT made me slip.

*make the ground swallow me please* 😥

-V x

The Instant Boring World

Do you all like the world we are in? I’m totally cool with Mac and iPhones. But why don’t people enjoy the wait anymore? Everything has to happen at the snap of the fingers. I agree it is time-saving and efficient. But life just walks past you when you are so keen on striking things of your list.

You send a message. It delivers to the other person in a nano-second. That person replies to you in a micro-second. Hey wait, you can even know when they are typing, when it is delivered-but-not-read, and also when the person has read-but-doesn’t-give-a-damn! What’s more, next you could probably see what they are typing before they even send it to you. Oh wait? Is that tech  already here? *sigh*

The age of letter-writing is probably my favorite. But frankly, I haven’t written a single letter and sent it to anybody. But I’d love to do that sometime. Okay being under an Anonymous Cloak, it is not exactly a good idea.

So let’s email !! I would like to pretend, emails are the closest we have to letters, send, wait for a reply and think and write what all to ask for the next time.

Anyone wants to be my digital-pal ? 🙂

Mail me at vintagecindrella@gmail.com